#itsfineifithurts

He was very educated man , a man with a charismatic character who always knew how to debate. He is that charming person whom you can’t say no.
He knew me as educated and beautiful woman who knows how to debate as well ! But more over he recognised me as the woman of bruises! bruises which I used to have everyday out of my mum’s favorit habit ,she used to beat me/us up unconsciously every time she get angry ! And she was angry all the time “I didn’t know actually why “? maybe it was her way to express her emotion, or maybe her way to express her frustration from her whole life! ? Maybe it was her way to push us out from her life? …….
Anyway I used to came to the university With this colors, red ,blue ,green….. he used to be very angry from that habit ,He told me : if you marry me I will never lay a hand on you ever ! And that was a tempting proposal indeed !.
And that’s what happened , i married him because I really wanted to escape that house . I cannot wait till she will eventually kill me or my sister’s one day !
I remember it was my wedding day, usually we girls friends will gather in the bride house and started to calibrate, dance ,laugh and of course talk about this stupid kind of Girish talks , they were talking about the first night ! How it will be amazing, how i will feel too much love and too much romance blah blah blah blah . I was really excited because at the end I was also a girl who had dreamt to be loved once in her life……
I remember that night very well!. We entered the room he took off my clothes and then he was on the top of me ,i was still dry , and without even trying to kiss me or even touch me for one time I felt so much pain tearing me inside , he finished he turned around and slept ! It was typically the traditional sexual relation in our area, the traditional relationship between male and femail ? This is what he knew , this is what he inherited from his ancestors and this is what he will be ,and this is what mylife will be ……..
And it is !. And that’s what it was.
I was lying next to him with a lots of anger in my eyes, gazing at the stupid fan in the ceiling, this kind of annoying fan we used to have in this small villages, I remember it was one of those hot summer nights .I figure out mylife rolling above me exactly like the rolling of that annoying fan. And i kept asking myself : is this the right thing what I’m doing? is this the real life? is this the life which i was dreaming of? Is this the life which I run to? Many questions marks till i faint out .
And I slept that night, and I wokeup pregnant, then I slept ,then wokeup after months with a babe in my arms! .
By the way it’s another kind of a typical tradition ways ,that we will get pregnant so fast so we will open our eyes and we will find this small creature who will complicate everything in our lives more and more !
As i was angry ,kept looking at her day after day, i thought how unfair what is happening to me to her ! How unfair to let her have the same miserable life which I’m having !
Or how I should give her the best life ,I should be the best Mum ever ,but I ain’t the best mum, I don’t know how I will be ?
And then you will start to forget yourself and you will try to understand all the delama of your life . And that’s Only becauce Of This small creature.
They used to say : mankind will never foresee his life ! Well , I think this is not for our kind ! Our parents will knew what kind of life we will have from the moment they give birth to us. And no matter how hard we try to change it , it will never changed !
It will be like a doomed spell keep chasing us over and over life after life Grandma to mother ,mother to daughter , generation to generation and so on and on……
R.K Syria 🇸🇾


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